Hello my friends, today we are going to discuss a hot topic around the ranch here. The day, while searching for the end of the internet, I ran across an interesting article comparing the use of toilet paper vs. Kleenex for your nose debris. Having sent two kids to college, I am forced to be a cheap bastard, so needless to say, this article received my undivided attention. For our purposes, we will be using Charmin Ultra Soft 2-Ply Mega Toilet Paper Rolls – 12 rolls (308 sheets per roll), $18.99 at Walmart, as the toilet paper. We will be using Kleenex Lotion Aloe & E 2-Ply Facial Tissue – 1 box (120 sheets per box), $9.17 at Walmart, as the Kleenex product.
The basic premise falls into two camps.
- Sheet by sheet savings. i.e. 100 sheets of toilet paper vs. 100 sheets of Kleenex.
- Square Inches of Kleenex vs. square inches of toilet paper. i.e. 8.2″ x 8.4″ vs. 3.92″ x 4″.
Before we get into today’s analysis, lets discuss the merits of each. Unless you buy the more expensive, aloe infused Kleenex, your nose will turn red and become irritated. So, we also used the premium cushion for your caboose.
Sheet by sheet savings. First, lets break down the cost of a roll of Charmin (18.99/12=$1.58) vs. a box of Kleenex ($9.17). So, let’s say your nose is running pretty good. I think we use about 2 boxes a month in peak cold season. I would say an average person will use 5 sheets of toilet paper (makes for easier math) per sneeze vs one sheet of Kleenex. The math works out to four rolls of toilet paper, at a cost of ($1.58 * 4 = $6.32) and the two boxes of Kleenex will run you $18.34. That is a substantial savings.
Now that we’ve broken down the box vs. roll comparison, how much does it cost, per sheet?
- The Kleenex comes out to roughly 7 1/2 cents per sheet.
- The Charmin comes out to roughly 1/2 cents per sheet.
Per our example of using 5 sheets of toilet paper per every sheet of Kleenex used, it is still cheaper to use the toilet paper; 2 1/2 cents vs. 7 1/2 cents per snot episode.
Square Inches of Kleenex vs. square inches of toilet paper. Well, we established that the cost, sheet per sheet is in favor of the bunhole cleaner. How much value, in tissue real estate, do we get? Based on my examples below, sheet for sheet, Kleenex is the winner. :
- Our sample of tissue averages 68.88 sq. inches per sheet. Kleenex will have approximately 6888 sq. inches per 100 sheets of tissue. This equates to 574 sq. ft. of snot removing material.
- Our sample toilet paper runs on average of 15.68 sq. inches per sheet. Our Charmin Ultra Soft will have approximately 1568 sq. inches per 100 sheets. This equates to 130.67 sq. ft. of snot removing material.
Per our example of using 5 sheets of toilet paper per every sheet of Kleenex used, the toilet paper wins the tissue real estate test; 78.4 sq. inches of toilet paper vs. 68.88 sq. inches of Kleenex per snot episode.
Next, let’s test their clinging capability. Let’s face it, the toilet paper deteriorates rapidly, after all, its supposed to go down the drain. So when you blow your snot maker and it is runny, chances are pretty good it’ll get messy (that’s why you use 5 sheets!). The extra sheets give you some absorb-ability and snot removing power. Kleenex on the other hand, is designed to get a bit wet, and it won’t leave little bits of tissue from where you’ve wiped (yeah…you know what I’m talking about). So, as far as clinging and snot removal; I’ll have to score them the equally.
But there is one more, critical test. Which one feels best on a red, irritated & raw snout? The lotion infused Kleenex wins this one hands down. This is my article, and I like how the Kleenex feels against my nose.
The winner: Toilet paper should make the best Kleenex. Ready for the next step, check out this website on how to convert a plastic bowl and a roll of toilet paper into a tissue box. Don’t tell my kids; but I think I’ll hide a box of Kleenex for when my nose is red. I’ll hide it in the closet.
Yes, I had some free time tonight; but now there is one less world problem to solve. Enjoy my friends!