Am I smarter than the waffle iron?

posted in: AoM, Life, Rants & Raves, Travel | 2
The evil waffle iron
The evil waffle iron

Recently, the bosslady and I have been on the road.  I’ll give more details on the trip in another post later.  But today, I’d like to concentrate on the evils of waffle machines.  Sure, they look innocent…but they are really evil.

The machine in question was found in Greensboro, NC.  It looked harmless enough, and it seemed pretty simple to operate it.  As a guy with at least one operating brain cell, how hard can this be?

The premise behind the self serve waffle iron is simple.  Let the hotel “guests” have the pleasure of making their own Belgium style waffles.

It seems simple in theory, what could possibly go wrong?

  1. Pour batter into a small cup from large dispenser.
  2. Spray the waffle iron with lubricant (Pam oil).
  3. Pour batter from cup into waffle iron.
  4. close the lid (timer starts).
  5. flip the waffle iron over 180 degrees.
  6. Enjoy a tasty waffle.

Simple right?  Wrong.  First the premise of these machines is all wrong.  Waffle irons are not there so the “guests” can have the, and I quote, the “pleasure,” of making one’s own waffle, they are there for the amusement of all the other folks in the breakfast area watching me make a waffle.

I had no problem with steps 1-4.  When it came to step 5 however, I missed a key tidbit of information.  This evil machine was not secured for sea.  When I tried to flip over the waffle iron, the entire machine moved to and fro.  Getting ever more frustrated I used more force; which had the affect of throwing waffle batter everywhere, the iron still not flipping properly.

Finally, a staff member came to rescue me.  She placed the waffle iron into it’s holder and…voila, it turned right over.  Obviously she was part of the waffle iron’s evil plan!  Finally I was able to move on to step 6.

I did get to enjoy a tasty waffle, complete with a big slice of humble pie.  Everyone else in the breakfast area got a good laugh.

So, what did I learn, two things.

  1. Have a cup of coffee BEFORE making a waffle.
  2. Watch a 5 year old make a waffle before you attempt one yourself.  Waffle irons like kids.  Watch how the kids do it, and if you’re still uncomfortable; ask a kid to make it, let them have the “pleasure” of making the waffle.

In summary: I am NOT smarter than the waffle iron.  My two little brain cells failed me miserably that morning!  Enjoy everyone, and let’s be safe out there.

PS: The asshole of the month for October is: the evil waffle iron.


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2 Responses

  1. Ah Dr. D, your theory is correctly stated in the 6 simple steps; however, in step 5, where you are expected to “flip the waffle iron 180 degrees” should be determined by where the iron was situated upon the last customer’s “flip”. You must understand that the iron was turned to the left, you then turn the iron back to the right. If, as you say, the iron did not want to flip. you needed to turn the iron the opposite 180 degrees. You do not turn the entire machine 180 degrees. It is difficult, in some cases of right leaning individuals, to turn to the left, but in this case, I do think that would have solved your dilemma. As you mentioned too, a cup of coffee is and should be step #1, step #2 is watching others display their wisdom in this early morning activity.

    I thought you were involved in instructional manuals?

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